I think I missed Christmas…

How does one do that, exactly? Miss Christmas? Even Ebenezer Scrooge had his epiphany in time to celebrate Christmas. I, however, seem to have missed it almost entirely. I didn’t have the pre-Christmas warm and fuzzies in the days leading up to Christmas, I found myself unable to get into the spirit of buying gifts, never mind the gift wrapping, and Christmas day itself went by almost without a hint of feeling. It was more of a numb kind of feeling, if you can call it that. Aside from being flooded with emotions while watching the video that my two daughters made for me,  it just seemed like any other day. Except it wasn’t. It was Christmas and I was unsure why I was feeling so blah when I should have been feeling the “beauty of the season”. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my second oldest brother passed away in June of this year, which is the third member of my family that we’ve lost. Although he lived in Alberta, and I in Ontario, and we hadn’t seen each other since 1997, he was still my brother and it still left a hole in my world. So I suspect that his passing had something to do with the apathy I felt at Christmas this year. As anyone who has lost a loved one knows, Christmas isn’t Christmas when you’re grieving, even if you don’t realize that you are grieving, which I think is what my problem was. He lived so far away, and we hadn’t seen each other in so long, that I don’t think I really knew how to grieve for him, or just how much I would miss him. The truth of the matter is, when you lose someone, you feel it in different ways as you move through the grieving process. Fortunately for me, I stumbled across a show today that I’ve never seen or even heard of before and me being me and believing that everything happens for a reason, I sat and watched it. It was a show called Long Island Medium and it’s about a medium named Theresa that receives messages from those who have passed away, and shares the message with their loved ones. Just watching the show made me feel better than I had felt all through the holidays so far. It made me believe whole heartedly that our loved ones know we miss them, they know we love them, and they want us to know that they are at peace. I believe in spirits, and I believe that those times when we think of them, or seem to “feel” them around us, that theyreally are there. The connection we had with them continues after death, and it’s stronger than ever. I’ve now lost two brothers and my father and today, through some strange twist of fate and a tv show I’ve never seen before, I felt a connection with all three of them. Maybe I didn’t miss Christmas afterall…

I'm a Certified Body Language Trainer and Speaker, columnist for Canadian Firefighter magazine and self publish author. I've combined my love of personal development with my passion for the fire service and I teach fire service members across Canada about the power of body language.

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