The fact that I’ve just rewritten this sentence three times in an attempt to portray an accurate representation of my place in life right now indicates that…I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
When I first decided to take a month off work, I had grandiose visions of me spending time with some of the most inspiring people I know and using the powerful insights gained to write my second book.
When someone at work asked me what my plan was for my time off, and I shared my dream with her, she replied with a laugh, “Sounds pretty ambitious.” My response was-in my head, of course-“You just wait, I have this all figured out. You’ll see.”
Ok, so turns out she was right.
It was pretty ambitious of me. However, I’ve also come to realize that in life, doing what you want to do comes after doing what needs to be done.
When it comes to my extremely well thought out game plan of talking to people and sharing their stories through my writing, I failed to take into account the space factor. This may very well be an introvert thing-the need to make space in our lives before we can move forward and introduce something new in our world-but maybe not.
I found that the first week I had time off, I did some visiting (ok I visited one girlfriend one day and spent time with family the second day), had lunch with a friend (same friend I visited with the first day) did some errands, reached out to some university professors to send my first book to, phoned an old chum, walked my dogs (almost daily) and the rest of my time was spent on catching up on the myriad “unfinished things” at home.
Far from glamorous and even farther from ambitious, but it had to be done. When I first thought of having the time off, there was the vision of my super-awesome-road-tripping-talking-with-inspiring-people-and-having-inspiring-conversations thing happening. When I actually had the time off, so many other things came up for me that needed my attention.
I had to get things done that needed to be done, in order to make space for what I really wanted to be doing. I just cannot sit down and relax, never mind write, if the house is a mess or there’s something nagging at me that I know needs to be done. So there, first week off was basically a get ‘er done week.
This week, however, I actually had room to take on something new-and this will absolutely shock anyone who knows me well-dinner. I made dinner for my family on both Monday and Tuesday of this week, and surprisingly, I absolutely enjoyed doing it and took great pleasure in having my family together at the kitchen table to share a meal.
Having said that, I also spent two days sorting and organizing my husband’s receipts for his business, but I’m convinced that conquering that momentous job gave me the added inspiration to tackle dinner.
Today is Wednesday of week two and although my first week and a half off didn’t go exactly as planned, I’m still happy that I made the decision to take this time for myself.
I am getting a lot of things done that I wouldn’t have had time to do if I hadn’t taken the time off, and in doing so I’m making room for new things to come, whatever they may be.