Why Do We Beat Ourselves Up?
When is the last time you beat yourself up over something? For me, it’s today. Like right now, or at least, up until about 5 minutes ago. Heed my words; Stop Beating Yourself Up. It gets you NOWHERE, makes you feel like SH*T, and keeps you stuck in the same place FOREVER. But sadly, it’s also a nasty habit for many of us.
Here’s What I’m Beating Myself Up Over Today
I’m just going to be completely honest and throw it out there. Starting your own business is hard. Being an entrepreneur (if I can even call myself that) is hard. Following your own path is freakin’ hard. But so is showing up for a job everyday that your heart and soul isn’t into. It sucks the life out of you. You are literally trading your valuable time for a hard earned dollar. At least, that’s how I felt for most of the jobs I’ve done throughout my life (most but not all, I loved being an Fire Prevention Officer and a Fire Inspector.) It’s also what drives most people down the entrepreneurial path.
Overall I’m much happier now (and over the course of the last 10 months since I left my full time job), then I ever was working for someone else. However, I’ve now traded money for my valuable time. I love what I’m doing (creating a coaching business) and how I’m doing it (working from home and working almost all the time) and why I’m doing it (because it’s not only a passion, but why I feel I’m here on this earth at this particular point in time-to help others learn to love themselves as I’ve learned to do).
Why am I beating myself up then? Well, since you asked, I’m beating myself up over the whole money thing. I’ve managed to go through my savings and dented my credit cards substantially to get myself to this point. I’m proud that I’ve managed 10 months for the most part on my own, but will fully admit to having to turn to my husband for help with my vehicle payment the last little while. Which is both shameful to me and totally unempowering. That in and of itself is a cause for the critical voice within to unleash it’s fury.
My Critical Voice
What I hear my voice saying to me are things such as:
- See, I told you you couldn’t just make money by being you and following your dreams
- You don’t know anything about building a business
- You’re burdening your husband and causing him stress
- You’re not a good role model for your daughters when it comes to being responsible with money
- Quitting your full time job was not a responsible thing to do
- What are you going to do now since you don’t seem to be getting this off the ground
- You better figure this out, and fast.
- You don’t really believe in yourself like you think you do
- I knew you didn’t have it in you.
It goes on, but I won’t. I think you get the picture.
As these things were floating through my mind on repeat this morning, I decided I’d had enough. I realized that it totally was not productive and it felt like sh*t. I would not dream of talking to another person the way I’ve been talking to myself, so why on earth would I berate myself in such a way?
The Path to Self Acceptance
Why do I need to stop beating myself up? Because it’s stupid and it sucks. Plain and simple. So you need to stop beating yourself up too. Here’s how we’re going to do it; 1) write down all those BS thoughts you’re having. Get it all out. Do a bubble drawing or a brainstorming or a list or whatever works for you. You really have to see it on paper to really appreciate how sh*tty you’re being to yourself. 2) Write the opposite. Make a list or bubble chart of all the things you’d rather feel about that situation, or why you want it. 3) Go back through and with a voice of reason, respond to the nasty things you said to yourself, and/or find helpful suggestions to take steps toward feeling the way you’d rather feel.
Being aware of your thoughts and the critical voice in your head is the first step in getting this under control. Cutting yourself some slack is another important and critical factor in finding peace in this situation.
You are doing the best you can with the awareness that you have right now. As Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.”
Kill It With Kindess
Here is my antidote to beating myself up, in addition to everything I just shared with you. Find 4 simple sentences that get to the heart of your journey right now. Here’s what I know;
I’m a good person
I’m a kind soul
I just want to help others heal
I am finding my way.
Keep going back to your 3 or 4 or 5 sentences/mantras/verses anytime you start beating yourself up. Be as kind and gentle with yourself as you would your best friend.
PS I’m also working on creating that magical balance so that I’m not trading time for money OR money for time. When I get that nailed down, I’ll be sure and let you know how I did it! 😉