So What's This Chick All About?
After over 20 years in the fire service as a firefighter, inspector and instructor, I listened to that deeper calling within and in December 2017 left my full-time job as an instructor at our provincial fire college. I yet again found myself taking a leap of faith (I've been known to leave one or two other "career highlight" jobs) to follow my heart - or as the tattoo on my left arm says - follow your bliss (in memory of one of my two brothers I've lost).
Much of my life experience has centred around self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety and depression, the last two having been undiagnosed until my late 20s after becoming a mom for the second time.
Traumatic childhood events caused me to go within at a young age, far beyond just being shy. My approach to life was set, coming from a place of fear and general discomfort in my own skin. Fun fact: turtles and hedgehogs are my spirit animals. I felt like I never measured up, like there was something deeply flawed and unfixable about me. The truth of the matter was buried so deeply that I was determined to take it to my grave. The thing about that is you can't bury something and not have it affect who you are.
After a total breakdown three weeks after my second marriage (during which I spent days in bed and gained a faint understanding of why people choose to end their lives) I was given the greatest gift. A diagnosis from a psychiatrist:
- Generalized anxiety disorder
- Social anxiety disorder
- Major depressive disorder
That may seem like a horrible thing to find out about yourself, but for me I finally had proof that it wasn't "just me" and there was a reason behind it all.
This didn't happen overnight, and it won't ever be finished. And I'm okay with that. Healing is a beautiful thing. The more we're willing to do the awful, messy, painful, courageous work of facing our demons and deconstructing the perceptions we've been holding onto about ourselves, the more we're able to open up to the beauty within us and in everything around us.
It took a lot of therapy sessions (CBT rocks), going on and off of medications, and a supportive network of a small handful of people that love me to help get me here. Mostly though, it was me. I never gave up. I'm my own biggest fan.
What I've Learned
If I can get to a place in life where I'm able to see the beauty in everything, so can you. I didn't stop until I uncovered the truth within me and I know that your truth with literally set you free as well. No more insecurity - alignment is my new default!
I know without a doubt in my mind that YOU (yes, YOU reading these words on this webpage at this place and time in the universe) are ready to start the journey back to you - back to your truth. I know that inside of you lies long-buried hopes, dreams and yearnings for a fuller, happier, healthier life. Or you wouldn't be here now.
You have a beautiful gift inside you that only you can bring to the world.
Let me help you uncover it.